DON’T PANIC: ACT…DON’T REACT!
by Keisha Gallegos
Whether you have watched your marriage deteriorate over time, you have just confirmed devastating news that has ended it- the decision to divorce is one of the hardest you have ever had to make. You are INCREDIBLY vulnerable right now, your world has turned upside down, and all your plans for the future are now in question. There is a reason experts say divorce is right up there with “death” as the number one stress maker there is. Your whole family is affected, your finances, where you will live, and how you will carry on the rest of your life are all side affects of your broken heart. How you begin this process is CRUCIAL to your future. Here are the guidelines you will want to follow as you begin this journey:
1- STOP! Take a deep breath, relax your body and become very still. You must calm down and quiet your racing mind. Do this repeatedly for as long as you need to.
2- Do NOT make any major decisions right now, including where you will live permanently.
3- Take your time, the issue of your home will be addressed later, NOT NOW!
4- This is a good time to take that frantic energy and use it to become organized. Locate all important files and get paperwork together- but don’t do anything with it yet.
Find an Advocate
by Keisha Gallegos
Find yourself an advocate other than your lawyer. I am talking about a friend, family member, or trusted person that can help you make these first steps with more ease. You need someone to rely on who can look out for your best interests and be a support to you while you are undergoing this process. Bring this person to consultations with professionals so that they can take notes for you and provide another set of eyes and ears to keep you informed and aware of your options. Having that person next to you will help you feel like you are not “all alone” in this. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! (Keisha Gallegos)
· The way you communicate now will set the stage for the rest of your life, so think before you talk.
· As angry and hurt as you might be, try to be decent and in control….Empower yourself to be in control.
· It’s not all about you…The way that you communicate with your spouse now will set the stage for the rest of your life, and if you have children, the parenting and custody issues that you will face. Think very carefully before you talk or lash out. As angry and hurt as you may be, try to be decent and in control of your words and actions. Remember the kids! It is so important for their development that they have a good relationship with BOTH parents- so don’t disparage your spouse in anyway. Leave the venting about what is going on to your friends or therapist. Find a counselor, life coach, or support group to help you deal with your anger and hurt feelings. It is imperative that you reach out to create a support network for yourself- not just for your own well being, but for your kids as well.